The Goddess Watches the Superbowl
(so you don’t have to)

The neighbors down the street are Steeler fans and I’d hoped to have an intra-Pennsylvania smackdown come Superbowl Sunday. But since the Eagles were pecked to death by the Cardinals in the NFC Championship, I’m just rooting for one thing: a good game. And some funny ads. And some tasty wings. And a kick-ass halftime show. Just four things. 

6:10 — Our hosts have put on an impressive spread, if you look past the yellow and black tablecloth, balloons, napkins, plates, and plastic forks. 

6:18 — Pre-game is in full swing. Sully and the crew from the flight that landed in the Hudson River are followed by singer Jennifer Hudson. It’s a good thing they didn’t crash into a Faith Hill.

6:22 — Whoa, there’s a GI JOE movie coming out?! Starring Christopher Eccleston?!!?  Superbowl ads are fun and educational!

6:38 — Pittsburgh marches down the field for a too-easy touchdown. Please don’t let this be a blowout.

6:39 — Nope, spoke too soon. Touchdown’s called back and Steelers settle for a field goal.

6:42 – First ad after the kickoff is for Bud Light (as usual)  and (as usual) it’s not very funny. Throwing an office worker out the window for suggesting that they stop having beer at every meeting?  Is that supposed to be down with the recessionary zeitgeist?

7:10 — A sad set of downs for the Cardinals, followed by another too-easy Steelers touchdown. Someone should wake up the Cardinals defense; they’re missing a heck of a game. 

7:36 — The talking baby from eTrade now has a friend. Babies acting like adults creep me out. And if there is anything creepier than a talking baby it’s two talking babies. 

7:52 — Pittsburgh’s James Harrison intercepts the ball in the end zone and runs it back 100 yards, sliding into the endzone on his neck for the touchdown. I think he might be dead.

7:54 — Nope, he’s fine; sucking down oxygen on the sidelines. 

8:00 — There were 3-D ads? Who knew? Those of us without the special glasses just saw a whole lot of blurry. I hope the Sobe Water people feel this experience was worth the $12 million.

8:10 — Bruce Springsteen power slides across the stage and smashes his crotch into America’s living rooms. Where are the 3-D glasses when you need them?

8:11 — I lose my first $1 bet of the night. I went with “The Rising” as the first Springsteen song.

8:19 — Second half. Transitioning from wings and beer to cupcakes and wine. I haven’t had a cupcake in years.

8:25 – Greg bets $1 he can pick three black M&Ms out of the yellow and black M&M bowl with his eyes closed. He scores!

8:57 — In other news, after a field goal the Steelers are up 20-7.

8:59 — ad elicits the loudest laughter of the night from all assembled. There is just something unambiguously funny about punching a koala in the face.

9:25 — Big Ben gets sacked, Steelers punt, Warner slings a touchdown to Larry Fitzgerald. It’s now 20-14 Steelers, and the Cardinals have some life in them yet.

9:40 — Greg picks up another $2 for betting there would be a safety during the game. Now it’s 20-16 Steelers.

9:50 — We’ve hit the local ads, and a Rochester pizza joint airs several featuring a grown man wearing nothing but a diaper and a knit cap. I’m not sure why, but I am sure that I no longer wish to eat their pizza. 

9:58 – Whoa! Another Warner-to-Fitzgerald touchdown reception, and the Cardinals take the lead with less than three minutes to go. Our hostess, who has decorated her mantle with pictures of herself at the age of two wearing a Steelers jersey, is now swearing at the television.

10:00 — Greg wins another $1 for betting that we’d see a woman in a bra during the second half. are always there when you need them.

10:03 — With 35 seconds left, Steelers score on a tippy-toe catch from 40 yards out. 

10:10 — Two plays, two timeouts, then the Cardinals fumble the ball. It’s over. Steelers FTW! 


One comment

  1. scottski says:

    Cards shoulda won. When are we gonna test that latest nuclear device on Pittsburg, AS PROMISED?!!!

    My NINERS will be back…… WAIT !!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *